changes

Weight today was 229. YAY. Just have to keep that number doing down.


With that said I wonder why no one ever talks about some of the emotional changes that happen after surgery. Like how things that used to never bother you because you were so good at eating over your feeling suddenly are rearing their ugly heads. Yep. I know this must happen to others. Things that I never used to let bother me are suddenly so annoying I feel like I am going a little crazy. I know that I have to deal with these things head on, which requires me to communicate my feelings to others. I suck at this !! I would rather just keep it in, but realize it is a barrier in my relationships and weight loss.For my own well being I have to let this out. Some things that have been bothering me about a very important relationship came bubbling out this past week and I think has shocked my partner. Kind of surprised me to realize how much these issues were bothering me. I finally let it out and didn't go so well. With me yelling, crying and hating myself for saying the things I was saying even if was all true. I very rarely cry so I am not sure if this is a breakthrough, or me not coping with life very well. I wish that I would find some one talking frankly about these emotional changes, changes in relationships and why sometimes things don't work out in long term relationships after WLS.

I have always known being in a relationship with me has never been easy. I am moody, low self esteem, insecure and much of this I have always felt was related to my eating. Feeling mad and mean when eating to much. Loathing myself for failing at yet another diet. Mad at myself for the money wasted on dieting, weight loss attempts. All of these things my partner has been with me for all these years and all I can do is scream about a half ass partnership. My feeling like its a waste of time and if things don't change we aren't going to work out. I actually feel like a huge jerk this morning. I know she has put up with more from me than any other person would. But what are you supposed to do when you have feelings that you don't know what to do with. All of the things I said were probably valid on some level, but why can't I just say things in a calm and mature way instead of letting it all build up and letting it all out at once? Without food to silence these feelings I think life is going to be hard for me.

Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist. But my experience before was that it is hard to find someone that understands my situation--- I have went to a couple of sessions several years ago, and felt like the lady was just collecting my copay and didn't have much understanding/interest in what I was there for..

So much for losing weight making me feel all bright and shiny. I don't feel like that at all. And I guess that is what I was expecting, and feel like this isn't going to be the case at all. I am still the same damaged person inside. I wonder how many people have changes in their relationships good or bad after WLS.........