Well today is the day I am going to start cutting out the sugar. I am going to focus right now on my eating and following the rules of the lap band. Life has been completely filled with chaos lately and I have not been dealing with it very well. I have been eating to much sugar and using that as coping. Last night I was just looking for something to eat and ate all that I wanted and before long two things happened. One I realized that what I was trying to do with food was not working! I subconsciously was trying to soothe myself with food. Nothing I ate was working. I went to the grocery store to "buy cat food" but was wandering the aisles looking for something to calm my nerves.(I realize this now) Nothing really struck me as doing it.. But I wanted some doughnuts and I found these pumpkin  muffins. So I did buy them. Ate 2 of the mini doughnuts and guess what? They were not good, did not taste good and so I tried the muffins--- YUCK they were over processed and didn't taste like pumpkin muffins.. They are going to work with me today and I will gladly leave them in the break room for someone else to eat. I am glad that I have the awareness of doing this--- but I still don't have the answer of how to calm and soothe myself. Seriously without food I have no addictions. I don't smoke, hardly ever drink, no drugs, so what can I do to calm myself? I know there are things to do-- take a bath, take a walk ect. But none of those things was going to do it last night. It was past that for me. Maybe I should try to drink a glass of wine, when I feel like this. Which has been every single night lately. Work is really working  my nerves lately. I guess its not only  work -- its that I have not been doing what I am supposed to do for my band. Things have been a little tense with partner. I get the blame for that most of the time... Some people aren't good at owning their part in problems.... sigh

So today all of the same things are going to be happening-- Work will be hectic, it will be my normal instinct to reach for food to calm me. I can't keep doing this. I am going to try to calm myself down today with positive self talk...My boss told me he thinks I  internalize what is going in my department to much-- ya think? I am a woman who has had tons of responsibility since I was 15--even before that... I have learned to be hard on myself and take too much responsibility. I also tend to absorb other peoples anxiety... and if there is someone in the room who is anxious or stressed I absorb that like a sponge. I can't be doing this. I just can't. I can only fix what is fixable, and can only do as much as my 2 hands can do. My job is not to fix everything, or to make everyone happy.
What is my job? Right now my job is to  get by each day-- do the best job I can and as for work... It has been made clear to me what my job is at work and  I am not going to try to over do anymore.
Wow I have got off topic here -- back to lap band rules.

The rules I need to focus on today--
1. Eat 3 meals,no snacking
2. Drink 60 0z of water
3. Focus on protein. --- I don't want to count them but I know a carb vs protein
4. A meal has a beginning and and end. NO GRAZING
5. No CANDY
6. Exercise after work today.